Why the Word “I Can’t” Is Sabotaging Your Life
My friend Jenna called me up the other day and say “Hey Cass! Wanna go play some baseball tonight?”
My immediate response, “Heck no Jenna! Nooo thank-you.”
She said, “okay! We’ll just go for a walk then.”
GREAT! I thought…
But then she called back a few hours later and said, “Cass, I’m
going to ask one last time just in case you changed your mind. Wanna come play
Here were my thoughts:
- I’ve never played baseball before
- I don’t know how to play so I’m going to look like an idiot
- What if I screw up and look dumb?
- What if I fall down and embarrass myself?
- What if I can’t hit the ball, catch the ball, or heck, run for that matter?
- What if I mess up and make the team fail and they’re disappointed?
- I don’t know anyone and I have social anxiety- scarrrry!
- What if….
So, all of these fears and what-if’s turned into, “No, I’m sorry Jenna, I can’t.”
Right away she threw the word “can’t” right back at me just as I would to anyone else I was talking to.
Jenna said, with the most loving voice possible, “I’m sorry, you can’t? That’s such BS! What do you mean you can’t? Cass, that word isn’t even in your vocabulary. What do you tell people all the time? Not to use that word! So, why can’t you?”
I listed off all the reasons for her as I mentioned above and I came to the conclusion of… what the heck, who cares if I don’t know how, if I screw up, if I embarrass myself if I fall down. As long as I don’t die, then…
“Screw it, I’ll play. When and where?”
Becoming aware of my own internal fears, thoughts, and dialogue that night taught me something very valuable; that behind every “can’t” is a fear, or many fears, and it’s up to me to dissect every reason until I come up with an answer way better than, “I can’t”.
So, I went and I played!
The first time the ball came my way, I HIT IT!! I freaking rock ya’ll!
I sprinted to first base and ate shit- literally. I crashed and burned, ripped my favourite leggings (why was I wearing them anyways?!), cut my knee, and was covered in dirt. HA! Once I got through all the bases, Jenna reminded me afterwards that there is no sliding in this version of baseball.
You guys, all the only time I watched basement was on my grandmas’ TV growing up- and all I remembered from it was watching people slide in dirt. And so, I slid!
Other than that, I actually had a lot of fun!
Moral of the story you guys? Don’t slide in baseball. Haha, kidding.
The real lesson here is that the word can’t= won’t, which = FEAR.
With the right mindset, having a positive attitude, and a clear vision of what you want in life, the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.
The word “can’t” is a horrible word and needs to be removed from your vocabulary!
Here are some common themes that I hear most often around can’t.
PS, make a mental checklist if you ever say “I can’t” to these also:
- I can’t go to the gym, I have no time.
- I can’t wake up early.
- I can’t go to school.
- I can’t play that sport.
- I can’t do it (this applies to so many things but I hear it most often with my son. My response? Nope. There is no can’t dude.”)
- I can’t, it’s too hard.
- I can’t eat that.
- I can’t start a business.
- I can’t afford it.
- I can’t go there.
- I can’t quit drinking/smoking
By saying you can’t do something, you’re already doubting yourself and submitting to defeat. No!!!
Believe You Can Do It!
Do you know why most people say “can’t” and doubt themselves before trying anything? Because…
- Being rejected
- Looking bad
- Fear of change
- Of denial
2. Lack of self-confidence and belief in yourself that you CAN actually do it
Fear of failure, lack of confidence and belief in yourself is just enough to keep you living in a box forever and continue sabotaging your life.
Next time you think about, write out, or verbally say the words “I can’t”, I want you to interrupt yourself and yell (or think) (or write) NOPE! THAT’S BS! I CAN AND I WILL.
Then, follow-through. Do not let the fear creep back in your head- trust me, it WILL try. It’s up to you to override that voice and keep moving forward. Not sure how? You will figure out a way. Promise!
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
You don’t demolish this word overnight- Afterall, for many, it’s been ingrained as a habit. Keep correcting yourself and eventually, the word “can’t” won’t even be apart of your vocabulary.
Before you leave, I have something for you.
Often times people say “ I can’t because I don’t have time”. So, I have created for you a little cheat sheet of my morning and nighttime rituals that allow me to have more time, confidence, and self-awareness/discipline.
Click here to grab your free copy! I promise, this will help you “find” the time.
Before I forget! If you haven’t already done so, click here to join my Transform Your Life Tribe! It’s free, and you’ll get to hang out with me every day!